I haven't written in here in a minute and I just felt like it today. For the last 2 weeks or so, I've felt so blah that I can't even explain it. I've just felt so horrible and I have no idea why. Everything sucks right now. Which is not really a big surprise but I can't do anything about it. Well, I could but I don't really want to. I hate being alone, I hate seeing everyone I know with a boyfriend/girlfriend, and I hate feeling like I need another person to make me happy because I don't. All I really need is to be happy within myself first. The problem with that is I don't think I ever will be happy with me. So I guess I'm trying everything and anything that will make me block out the unhappiness I've felt for so long. How do you block out something that's become a part of you? I don't think I'll ever not be unhappy because it's part of who I am. At least that's how I see it. I hate trying to push something out of my mind and yet it's staring me in the face. That sounds crazy but it's what's kinda been going on with me for awhile now. I think I try a litte too hard to handle shit on my own and I think that's one of my flaws. I know there are people around me who will listen to my crap and give me advice but I don't grasp the concept of having people be there for me because I've never had that before. Sometimes I wish I could erase certain people and certain incidents from my brain and since I can't, I have to suck it up and accept them. I'm tired of sucking everything up. I just want one day where I can get up and not have to accept the pile of shit that is my life. Hell yes, this shit is melodramatic but if everyone else can be a fucking drama queen all the time, I can have my one day. I guess that's it. I've been dramatic enough for today. We leave for NFG in 15 days. FINALLY!
Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: Ryan Cabrera - Photo <33